Parents of children going astray need to have a dialogue between their parent-ego and adult-ego. Are they acting on the protective instincts of the parent-ego but end up enabling or encouraging the bad behavior as a result? By minimizing the bad behavior in a desire to prevent others being mad at their child or prevent their child being angry with them, are they encouraging the behavior they want to end?
Mistakes One Can Make when Analysing the Parent-Ego
Developing an adult-ego does not mean giving up the imagination, creativity, enjoyment, humor and other positive aspects of the child-ego. Those with a mature adult-ego simply manage their desires and impulses toward rationally selected goals. The definition of adult behavior can be summed up as the ability to delay pleasure in accordance to a plan.
For example, the child-ego wants to have fun. If the child-ego is in control, the individual may choose to rush to the store and buy lottery tickets without considering how much needs to be left over for utilities or food. The adult-ego plans a trip of Las Vegas and saves the money for it. The desire of the child-ego is not abandoned or denied by the adult but delayed until it can be reasonably indulged.
Building up the adult-ego does not require abandoning the values initially held by the parent-ego. The adult-ego comes to a deeper logical understanding of those values, such as analyzing the intents behind specific traditions or the reasons why certain values were held in high regard.
The intentions of the parent-ego such as protecting family and children, seeking approval of higher status individuals or wanting community with those of the same faith are not bad. However, strictly adhering to the rules, rituals and life-scripts of the parent-ego instead of focusing on the big picture objectives and goals can result in the parent-ego undermining the very goals it intends.
(continued from part II)
